------------------------------------------

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.  I w
ant to tell you something about words that I uh, I t
hink is important. I love..as I say, they're my work
, they're my play, they're my passion.  Words are al
l we have really.

We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid.  You know,
 [humming].  And, then we assign a word to a thought
, [clicks tongue]. And we're stuck with that word fo
r that thought. So be careful with
words. I like to think, yeah, the same words that hu
rt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that aren't into all the words
.  There are some people who would have you not use 
certain words.  Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the
 English language, and there are seven of them that 
you can't say on television. What a ratio that is.  
399,993 to seven.  They must really be bad.  They'd 
have to be outrageous,
to be separated from a group that large. All of you 
over here, you seven.Bad words.  That's what they to
ld us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.''Awww
w.' There are no bad words.  Bad thoughts.  Bad Inte
ntions.  

And words,
you know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt
, Cocksucker, Motherfucker,and Tits, huh? Those are 
the heavy seven.  Those are the ones that will infec
tyour soul, curve your spine and keep the country fr
om winning the war. 

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, an
d Tits, wow.Tits doesn't even belong on the list, yo
u know.  It's such a friendly sounding word.  It sou
nds like a nickname.  'Hey, Tits, come here.  Tits, 
meetToots, Toots, Tits, Tits, Toots.'  It sounds lik
e a snack doesn't it?  Yes, I know, it is, right.  B
ut I don't mean the sexist snack, I mean, New Nabisc
o Tits.  The new Cheese Tits, and Corn Tits and Pizz
a Tits, Sesame Tits Onion Tits, Tater Tits, Yeah.  B
etcha can't eat just one.  That's true I usually swi
tch off .  But I mean that word does not belong on t
he list.  

Actually, none of the words belong on the list, but 
you can understand why some of them are there.  I am
 not completely insensitive to people's feelings. Yo
u know, I can dig why some of those words got on the
 list...like cocksucker and motherfucker.  Those are
...those are heavy-weight words.  There's a lot goin
g on there, man.  Besides the literal translation an
d the emotional feeling.  They're just busy words.  
There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And thos
e K's. Those are aggressive sounds, they jump out at
 you.  CocksuckerMotherfuckerCocksucker.  It's like 
an assault, on you.  So I can dig that.  

And we mentioned shit earlier, of course. Two of the
 other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt,
 which go together of course.But forget about that. 
 A little accidental humor there. Piss and Cunt.The 
reason Piss and Cunt are on the list is that a long 
time ago certain ladies said 'Those are the two I am
 not going to say.  I don't mind Fuck and Shit, but 
P and C are out.  P and C are out.'  Which led tosuc
h stupid sentences as 'OK, you fuckers, I am going t
o tinkle now.'

And of course the word Fuck.  The word Fuck, I don't
 really...well, this is some more accidental humor, 
but I don't really want to get into that now.  Becau
se I think it takes too long.But I do mean that.  I 
mean, I think the word fuck is an important word. It
's the beginning of life, and, yet it's a word we us
e to hurt one other, quite often.  And uh, people mu
ch wiser than I have said, I'd rather have my son wa
tch a film with two people making love than two peop
le trying to kill one other.  And I of course agree.
 I wish I know who said it first, and I agree with t
hat.  But I would like to take it a step further.  I
 would like to substitute the word fuck, for the wor
d kill in all those movie cliches we grew up with.  
'Okay Sheriff, we're gonna fuck ya now.  But we're g
onna fuck ya slow.' So maybe next year I'll have a w
hole fuckin' rap on that word.  I hope so.  

Uh, there are two-way words, 
but those are the seven you can never say on televis
ion. Under any circumstances you just can not say th
em ever, ever ever, not even clinically.  You can no
t weave them in the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny
, I mean it's just impossible, forget those seven, t
hey're out.

But, there are some two-way words. There are double-
meaning words.  Remember the ones your giggled at in
 sixth grade?  'And the cock crowed three times.''He
y, the cock the cock crowed three times.  It's in th
e bible.'There are some Two-way words, like it's oka
y for Kirk Goudy(sp?) to say 'Roberto Clemente has t
wo balls on him.' But he can't say, 'I think he hurt
 his balls on that play Tony, don't you?  He's holdi
ng them. He must havehurt them by God.' And the othe
r two-way word that goes with that one is prick.  It
's okay if it happens to your finger.  Yes, you can 
prick your finger, but don't finger your prick.  No,
 no."

---------------------------------------


Aruba-du, ruba-tu, ruba-tu. I was thinking about the
 curse words and
the swear words, the cuss words and the words that y
ou can't say, that
you're not supposed to say all the time, [']cause wo
rds or people into
words want to hear your words. Some guys like to rec
ord your words and
sell them back to you if they can, (laughter) listen
 in on the
telephone, write down what words you say. A guy who 
used to be in
Washington knew that his phone was tapped, used to a
nswer, Fuck Hoover,
yes, go ahead. (laughter) Okay, I was thinking one n
ight about the
words you couldn't say on the public, ah, airwaves, 
um, the ones you
definitely wouldn't say, ever, [']cause I heard a la
dy say bitch one
night on television, and it was cool like she was ta
lking about, you
know, ah, well, the bitch is the first one to notice
 that in the litter
Johnie right (murmur) Right. And, uh, bastard you ca
n say, and hell and
damn so I have to figure out which ones you couldn't
 and ever and it
came down to seven but the list is open to amendment
, and in fact, has
been changed, uh, by now, ha, a lot of people pointe
d things out to me,
and I noticed some myself. The original seven words 
were, shit, piss,
fuck, cunt, cocksucker, mother-fucker, and tits. Tho
se are the ones
that will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands 
and (laughter)
maybe, even bring us, God help us, peace without hon
or (laughter) um,
and a bourbon. (laughter) And now the first thing th
at we noticed was
that word fuck was really repeated in there because 
the word
motherfucker is a compound word and it's another for
m of the word fuck.
(laughter) You want to be a purist it doesn't really
 it can't be on the
list of basic words. Also, cocksucker is a compound 
word and neither
half of that is really dirty. The word the half suck
er that's merely
suggestive (laughter) and the word cock is a half-wa
y dirty word, 50%
dirty dirty half the time, depending on what you mea
n by it. (laughter)
Uh, remember when you first heard it, like in 6th gr
ade, you used to
giggle. And the cock crowed three times, heh (laught
er) the cock three
times. It's in the Bible, cock in the Bible. (laught
er) And the first
time you heard about a cock-fight, remember What? Hu
h? naw. It ain't
that, are you stupid? man. (laughter, clapping) It's
 chickens, you
know, (laughter) Then you have the four letter words
 from the old Anglo-
Saxon fame. Uh, shit and fuck. The word shit, uh, is
 an interesting
kind of word in that the middle class has never real
ly accepted it and
approved it. They use it like, crazy but it's not re
ally okay. It's
still a rude, dirty, old kind of gushy word. (laught
er) They don't like
that, but they say it, like, they say it like, a lad
y now in a middle-
class home, you'll hear most of the time she says it
 as an expletive,
you know, it's out of her mouth before she knows. Sh
e says, Oh shit oh
shit, (laughter) oh shit. If she drops something, Oh
, the shit hurt the
broccoli. Shit. Thank you. (footsteps fading away) (
papers ruffling)

Read it! (from audience)

Shit! (laughter) I won the Grammy, man, for the come
dy album. Isn't
that groovy? (clapping, whistling) (murmur) That's t
rue. Thank you.
Thank you man. Yeah. (murmur) (continuous clapping) 
Thank you man.
Thank you. Thank you very much, man. Thank, no, (end
 of continuous
clapping) for that and for the Grammy, man, [']cause
 (laughter) that's
based on people liking it man, yeh, that's ah, that'
s okay man.
(laughter) Let's let that go, man. I got my Grammy. 
I can let my hair
hang down now, shit. (laughter) Ha! So! Now the word
 shit is okay for
the man. At work you can say it like crazy. Mostly f
iguratively, Get
that shit out of here, will ya? I don't want to see 
that shit anymore.
I can't cut that shit, buddy. I've had that shit up 
to here. I think
you're full of shit myself. (laughter) He don't know
 shit from Shinola.
(laughter) you know that? (laughter) Always wondered
 how the Shinola
people felt about that (laughter) Hi, I'm the new ma
n from Shinola.
(laughter) Hi, how are ya? Nice to see ya. (laughter
) How are ya?
(laughter) Boy, I don't know whether to shit or wind
 my watch.
(laughter) Guess, I'll shit on my watch. (laughter) 
Oh, the shit is
going to hit de fan. (laughter) Built like a brick s
hit-house.
(laughter) Up, he's up shit's creek. (laughter) He's
 had it. (laughter)
He hit me, I'm sorry. (laughter) Hot shit, holy shit
, tough shit, eat
shit, (laughter) shit-eating grin. Uh, whoever thoug
ht of that was ill.
(murmur laughter) He had a shit-eating grin! He had 
a what? (laughter)
Shit on a stick. (laughter) Shit in a handbag. I alw
ays like that. He
ain't worth shit in a handbag. (laughter) Shitty. He
 acted real shitty.
(laughter) You know what I mean? (laughter) I got th
e money back, but a
real shitty attitude. Heh, he had a shit-fit. (laugh
ter) Wow! Shit-fit.
Whew! Glad I wasn't there. (murmur, laughter) All th
e animals Bull
shit, horse shit, cow shit, rat shit, bat shit. (lau
ghter) First time I
heard bat shit, I really came apart. A guy in Oklaho
ma, Boggs, said it,
man. Aw! Bat shit. (laughter) Vera reminded me of th
at last night, ah
(murmur). Snake shit, slicker than owl shit. (laught
er) Get your shit
together. Shit or get off the pot. (laughter) I got 
a shit-load full of
them. (laughter) I got a shit-pot full, all right. S
hit-head, shit-
heel, shit in your heart, shit for brains, (laughter
) shit-face, heh
(laughter) I always try to think how that could have
 originated; the
first guy that said that. Somebody got drunk and fel
l in some shit, you
know. (laughter) Hey, I'm shit-face. (laughter) Shit
-face, today.
(laughter) Anyway, enough of that shit. (laughter) T
he big one, the
word fuck that's the one that hangs them up the most
. [']Cause in a lot
of cases that's the very act that hangs them up the 
most. So, it's
natural that the word would, uh, have the same effec
t. It's a great
word, fuck, nice word, easy word, cute word, kind of
. Easy word to say.
One syllable, short u. (laughter) Fuck. (Murmur) You
 know, it's easy.
Starts with a nice soft sound fuh ends with a kuh. R
ight? (laughter) A
little something for everyone. Fuck (laughter) Good 
word. Kind of a
proud word, too. Who are you? I am FUCK. (laughter) 
FUCK OF THE
MOUNTAIN. (laughter) Tune in again next week to FUCK
 OF THE MOUNTAIN.
(laughter) It's an interesting word too, [']cause it
's got a double
kind of a life personality dual, you know, whatever 
the right phrase
is. It leads a double life, the word fuck. First of 
all, it means,
sometimes, most of the time, fuck. What does it mean
? It means to make
love. Right? We're going to make love, yeh, we're go
ing to fuck, yeh,
we're going to fuck, yeh, we're going to make love. 
(laughter) we're
really going to fuck, yeh, we're going to make love.
 Right? And it also
means the beginning of life, it's the act that begin
s life, so there's
the word hanging around with words like love, and li
fe, and yet on the
other hand, it's also a word that we really use to h
urt each other
with, man. It's a heavy. It's one that you have towa
rd the end of the
argument. (laughter) Right? (laughter) You finally c
an't make out. Oh,
fuck you man. I said, fuck you. (laughter, murmur) S
tupid fuck.
(laughter) Fuck you and everybody that looks like yo
u. (laughter) man.
It would be nice to change the movies that we alread
y have and
substitute the word fuck for the word kill, wherever
 we could, and some
of those movie cliches would change a little bit. Ma
dfuckers still on
the loose. Stop me before I fuck again. Fuck the ump
, fuck the ump,
fuck the ump, fuck the ump, fuck the ump. Easy on th
e clutch Bill,
you'll fuck that engine again. (laughter) The other 
shit one was, I
don't give a shit. Like it's worth something, you kn
ow? (laughter) I
don't give a shit. Hey, well, I don't take no shit, 
(laughter) you know
what I mean? You know why I don't take no shit? (lau
ghter) [']Cause I
don't give a shit. (laughter) If I give a shit, I wo
uld have to pack
shit. (laughter) But I don't pack no shit cause I do
n't give a shit.
(laughter) You wouldn't shit me, would you? (laughte
r) That's a joke
when you're a kid with a worm looking out the bird's
 ass. You wouldn't
shit me, would you? (laughter) It's an eight-year-ol
d joke but a good
one. (laughter) The additions to the list. I found t
hree more words
that had to be put on the list of words you could ne
ver say on
television, and they were fart, turd and twat, those
 three. (laughter)
Fart, we talked about, it's harmless It's like tits,
 it's a cutie word,
no problem. Turd, you can't say but who wants to, yo
u know? (laughter)
The subject never comes up on the panel so I'm not w
orried about that
one. Now the word twat is an interesting word. Twat!
 Yeh, right in the
twat. (laughter) Twat is an interesting word because
 it's the only one
I know of, the only slang word applying to the, a pa
rt of the sexual
anatomy that doesn't have another meaning to it. Lik
e, ah, snatch, box
and pussy all have other meanings, man. Even in a Wa
lt Disney movie,
you can say, We're going to snatch that pussy and pu
t him in a box and
bring him on the airplane. (murmur, laughter) Everyb
ody loves it. The
twat stands alone, man, as it should. And two-way wo
rds. Ah, ass is
okay providing you're riding into town on a religiou
s feast day.
(laughter) You can't say, up your ass. (laughter) Yo
u can say, stuff
it! (murmur) There are certain things you can say it
s weird but you can
just come so close. Before I cut, I, uh, want to, ah
, thank you for
listening to my words, man, fellow, uh space travele
rs. Thank you man
for tonight and thank you also. (clapping whistling)

-----------------------------------------


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       insidious_plots
http://insidiousplots.cjb.net